moving on.

So I've changed in so many ways over the past year alone. I mean there are the obvious changes that have lead me to the happiest moments of my life:

• Getting on that train for a first date.
• Getting on the train to his house after the first date.
  
• Saying YES ;) (on more than one occasion)
  
• Going back to school (not so much happiest... but it was a good turn in the right direction)
  
• Letting go of the past (no, this doesn't have to do with any past relationships in the sense of boyfriends)

I've changed the way I dress (to an extent I've gotten more fashionably smarter).. I've changed the way I shop (Still a bargain shopper, but I've changed what my priority splurges are)... I've changed the way I eat (this basically went downhill from that first barbeque Lays potato chip)... and I've changed the options I have in spending my free time. I no longer have the urge to go to house parties or think to myself "LET'S GET WASTED!!!" I'd much rather spend a night in, watching movies or TV... or playing ROCKBAND I've started to prefer going to museums and discovering the greatest aspects of living so close to Chicago, both the city and downtown... and started drifting away from the clubbing and bar-crawling scene. All these changes and I feel like I'm starting to get too old for my age. No more drama... no more arguments over petty things.. I don't have the time or energy to be bothered with any of it.

But nevertheless, life still seems to be complicated and demanding. I've become so tired lately... not just in the sense of being physically exhausted but I'm tired of the hectic schedule that my life has become. I wish I could take off more days at work, but 1) I need the money and 2) we're so short-staffed that I feel guilty about not working any free moment that I can.

We barely get enough time to ourselves anymore. The only time we DO have together to relax is late at night (on his nights off of course). And since it's our only moment, we try to use up all the time we can.. which causes us to sleep well beyond 4am sometimes. Then we have to wake up early... whether it is to go to school or do errands.. but it seems as if every morning is something I have to dread. Even Sundays are much busier that I would like.

I know I'm just whining and ranting in this blog entry, but I feel that it's the only way I can express these thoughts because there is no one else out there that I want to bother...

ignorance.

R: So what nationality are you?

J: I'm filipino.

R: Oh, so do you speak Japanese?

J: No. I'm Filipino. I speak Tagalog.

R: Oh, I must have confused you with the other girl who works here.

J: No, she's Vietnamese. She speaks Vietnamese.

R: -sigh- Sorry. I can't tell any of you apart.

---

C: So, what nationality are you?

J: I'm Filipino.

C: Oh, I have this awesome dragon thing at my house that my friend bought for me in Japan.. there's a little poster that came with it.. would you be able to read the Japanese print?

J: Oh, no, it's different... in the Philippines, we use English letters..

C: Well, can't you read it anyway???

bubbles

I’m aware that in other countries, the idea of a “personal bubble” simply doesn’t exist. When you get into an empty elevator, you stand wherever you want.. but the instant a 2nd person comes in, you divide the space equally. As more people fill into the elevator, everyone creates a bubble around themselves and hopefully, no one steps into those invisible boundaries.

Similar to this analogy are parking your car, being seated by a hostess, or even choosing study tables in the library.

In other countries, such as China, where overpopulation doesn’t give much freedom to “bubbles”, they don’t waste space. On the elevator, 1st person stands in a corner. As space fills up with bodies, they pack in as many people as possible, without considering each others’ comfort zones.

But here is my little complaint: we are not in an overpopulated country. We are in America… and really, if there’s only you and me in a large room, or specifically in a completely empty bathroom, don’t come close to me. It’s not that I’m a nasty, disgusting girl you shouldn’t be near… it’s just common courtesy people! I don’t want you parking your car ever so closely next to mine when the rest of the lot is empty. I don’t want to be able to smell what you ate for lunch on your breath as you yell at me for being late to work. I don’t want to smell your nasty BO in the stall next to me.

Just give me my space people. I have a comfort zone, and I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t cross it. Please and thank you. :] have a great day!

all at once. once again.

It's so overwhelming. And I hate what it's doing to my life.

I just want someone in my family to be happy with me about it. I want someone to hug me and tell me they're happy FOR me... I'm tired of only being in this family to buy this or that, or pick up this or look up that... I'm tired of working for this family. I miss being part of it.

I hate that it's affecting how I am in my relationship and all of my other friendships as well. I get irritable so easily, and I barely take care of myself, let alone my closest companions (who always try their hardest to keep me sane).

It's really just not fair. It really isn't.