Relapse

It was bound to happen. I haven't cried this hard in so long..

"I'm putting my guard up"
"I can't handle you right now.."


No.. No.. Not again... Please please don't be happening all over again..

I'm pushing him away because of my stupid fucking past.. I hate him.. so much. I hate, hate, hate him for what he did to me.. for what it's doing to me now..

What I have is as close to perfect as I'll ever get.. I'm lucky to have someone who treats me like he does.. and I'm screwing it up.. and it isn't the first time this is happening.. I hate myself for what I'm doing to myself.. back then.. and now.. I'm scared. I'm soo.. so.. scared..

Relapse.