Tuesday, September 12, 2006

start of something new?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
fall 2006 = new me?

so i went to a party on saturday... and it was with a group of people i honestly didn't hang out with much... actually, it was the first time i had spent longer than 5 minutes with them ever!
well, first we went to go watch the football game. not bad ~ we won... but i really wasn't paying attention to the game... i was amazed at how great i got along with everyone that was there... i felt like i fit in somehow... like i wasn't just on the outside of this little group of friends...

then we got to my friend's apartment, since that's where the party was... well, people started to drink, but i didnt (along with a couple others)... that's when i started to notice a change... the girls became more outgoing, and MUCH louder and crazier than me, and i felt myself flying towards the walls... i felt pretty out of place, but at the same time, i was enjoying watching how 'the other world' lives... on one hand, i felt like a loser ~ i kept thinking "i'm not one of them" "i'm not cool enough to be here"... but the other half realized that these were my friends. no, they're not my best friends, but i WAS invited, right? and people WERE still hanging out with me... and hey! i even got a lot of hugs from one guy and a mini massage from another...

the whole night actually got me thinking though... i'm supposed to be learning to move on. i've already decided that i'm not going to get into another relationship, but i'm going to go out and have as much fun as i can while i'm still in college. but the conclusion i came up with as i drove away from the apartments was that the girls who were drinking and dancing... THEY were having fun... i was quiet and kept to myself, and i was not the life of the party [i enjoy the attention generally].... am i doing something wrong? if i don't change and conform to the 'norms' of the party scene, will i really just become a face in the crowd? will i end up getting 'the nice guys', the 'relationship' guys? i don't WANT a relationship... i want to have fun... but if i'm the more 'mature, conservative' type, won't that only attract the 'mature, conservative' type of guys??

:ugh: i think too much. that's why i can't have fun.
(en·tro·py) © 2008. Design by Pocket