a message.

Thursday, January 17, 2008 2:34am

You're probably sleeping but you gave me a txt earlier saying you're sorry, for what. =) you didn't do anything wrong, I was just being a big baby. i just realized that im being an idiot to someone that cares and loves me. I know your worried about your past, BUT IM NOT YOUR EX, I will NEVER break your heart or ever put you down. I made you cry today and you do not know how sorry and ashamed I felt. I felt like I let you down and that I failed to make you happy. I romise that I will make it up to you I want us to last and I will do ANYTHING to see that happen. I want ot be that guy who you always dreamed and blogged about, someone who you can be proud of , someone who makes you realize everyday that you're loved and cared for, that this guy is always thinking about you. I realized tonight that I will love you always and forever..... it's a long time I know but I want to spend that time with you. I cant say anything more............ all I can say now is I Love You through tears and smiles.. oh and yes, I AM IN FOR A BUMPY RIDE =)

Relapse

It was bound to happen. I haven't cried this hard in so long..

"I'm putting my guard up"
"I can't handle you right now.."


No.. No.. Not again... Please please don't be happening all over again..

I'm pushing him away because of my stupid fucking past.. I hate him.. so much. I hate, hate, hate him for what he did to me.. for what it's doing to me now..

What I have is as close to perfect as I'll ever get.. I'm lucky to have someone who treats me like he does.. and I'm screwing it up.. and it isn't the first time this is happening.. I hate myself for what I'm doing to myself.. back then.. and now.. I'm scared. I'm soo.. so.. scared..

Relapse.