21....

So I just turned 21 (on Wednesday, March 26th) and to celebrate, I had parties lined up for Wednesday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and even Sunday night..

After only half of the celebrations, I have come to realize that I'm not who I used to be.. Well, I mean I've known that I'm not one of those "crazy drunk party animals" anymore.. but it wasn't until last night's (mistakes) that I knew for sure that I've changed a lot..

I'm a social drinker.. I said it before, and even after turning 21, I can still attest to the fact that I do not like going out and getting "smashed". In fact, I would have been happy last night if I had just babysat a drink and just danced all night... I look at all the pictures on my camera and I just regret acting so stupidly... I mean, I know it's all "typical" in terms of how anyone else in my group, or anyone else in my age group for that matter, to have the "morning regrets" and hangovers..

I'm not like that. I'm glad I'm 21 for the sole reason that I can go out and chill in places much later in the night.. As for alcohol... moderation is key... I've been uninterested in getting drunk for the past year.. and turning legal hasn't changed that one bit...

Separation of the Heart

I'm starting to move into a different phase of the relationship. I'm not in the mindset that I need to spend every moment of my free time with him, nor do I feel that I need to constantly be on the phone with him if we're apart..

I'm comfortable being separate from him. I'm not losing faith or the love or anything.. I still want to have the beautiful future we have planned out already... I still love him with everything I've got..

But I'm not at all feeling clingy like I was before.. I don't mind not doing my own thing for a while. In fact, when he feels like being a bum or just relaxing and I want to go out, I feel that I wouldn't feel obliged to stay in...

It's like the pressures of being in a relationship are suddenly melting away... Things are starting to look much much more simple.. and happy..

Well.. that is until I start thinking about expenses =P But that's for another blog another night..

conviction

conviction \kən-ˈvik-shən\

an unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence

I don't need anyone to tell me how I should or shouldn't feel. I can't explain it, which means I can't give any of you proof of our love and the reality of everything that goes on between us.

I am happy. I look forward to our future together, no matter how long it takes.

I can't wait til he moves in this summer (we need a bigger bed.)
I can't wait til we exchange vows (mine will be better.)
I can't wait til we start having kids (plural. sorry baby, one just won't be enough.)

I can't wait to grow old and gray together.

I can't wait because I'm excited. But in reality, I can wait.. because I don't want to rush any of it.

I'm just happy to know that it's all going to happen someday.
I'm just happy to know that he wants it all to happen someday too..

I love you, baby, always and forever, just like all those cheesy songs in our scrapbook :wink: