tomorrow

"She was neurotic, restless, confused, and conflicted, but there was an aura of happiness that surrounded all of these emotions. She wasn't exactly happy, but she believed absolutely that one day she would be."

bold

"Optimistic youth is spent talking yourself into believing that at any moment you'll do something bold, brave, and significant, while the calm post-sixty years are spent talking yourself into believing that you might have done something bold, brave, and significant, but for bold, brave and significant, and unspecified reasons, you chose not to."
-Alternatives to Sex [Stephen McCauley]

I've been known to be bold and brave when it comes to the choices and actions I make in my life, and especially when it comes to relationships. I usually make the first move, ask for the guy's number, and call him before he has a chance to realize how badly he's fallen for me.

That is, of course, until recently. I'm currently seeing someone who not only asked for my number, but constantly pays for me, constantly opens doors for me, and constantly makes me feel as if I don't have to make all the bold, brave, significant moves. Somehow, things seem to fall perfectly into place..

But this, of course, scares me. I'm used to the challenge of being with someone.. the difficulty of getting the guy interested. This seems all too perfect, all too simple.. and yet, so enjoyable.

So as I am about to give up and think that there is no battle for this relationship to work, I have discovered that, for unspecified reasons, simply relaxing and settling into this relationship will slightly change my lifestyle.. and that right there will be the bold and significant move..

As far as how I need to be brave in this.. Well, simply put, I need to be able to stand right back up in case I get hurt again.. Because for anyone who has read this blog at all, it is quite obvious that I've learned a thing or two from my last relationship.. and I know to take caution in giving my heart away again.. Relationships don't always last. And I just gotta keep that in the back of my mind during all the happy times, just in case.. just in case..

But with all of that said, I'm still happier than I have been in a very long time. (^_^)

music

Lately I've been thinking so strangely about the clouds,
and how they seem to slowly fade away, yeah.
Maybe someday we will find a way to disappear.
Just me and you on silver lining dreams.

Oh, how could I survive without your love,
and the hope you bring?
Oh, even when the sky is falling down, I know I have you, and it's all I need.

Lately I've been hoping you can stay with me,
And I could hold you close 'til the end of time, yeah.
Maybe someday we will grab some change and run away,
but for now I'll learn to say goodbye.

Oh, how could I survive without your love,
and the hope you bring?
Oh, even when the world is breaking down, I know I have you, and it's all I need.

Oh, she is my everything.
Oh, she is all I need.
Oh, (yeah) she is my everything.
Oh, she is all I need.

Oh, how could I survive without your love,
and the hope you bring?
Oh, even when the world just falls apart, I know I have you, and it's all I need.

again.

i think it's time to re-evaluate, re-think, and re-prioritize my life..

i'm starting to fall into a lazy, unhealthy pattern again.. and i'm not just talking about staying fit and eating healthy (although that part of my life has fallen astray as well..)

starting over. again.

my kind of town

Being away from home this past week has been quite a trip.

I've met a lot of amazing people with great personalities and very different lifestyles.. I've learned to appreciate both my life back home and the way they live theirs.

California is a place I could only dream of living in.. the sun was constantly shining, the weather was beautiful, and even when it wasn't, it was still a place that I could NOT get over.. I'll miss it dearly.. I love the way my hair felt in the wind as my cousin cruised down the freeways (what's the difference between highways and freeways??). I loved having to wear my sunglasses everyday. I loved being able to pull of just a shirt and thin hoodie at night. It was simply beautiful.

But the people I was with just sat back and seemed to take it for granted.. it was kinda weird to me.. a little sad and a little incredible.. How can you take such natural beauty for granted? How can it seem so ordinary when it is so amazing?

Then it got me wondering if there is more to what I see back home.. If I brought these same people into my hometown and showed them around, would they find things that would amaze and surprise them? Would there be anything there that they see that I take for granted? I am now determined, when I get back, to appreciate all that surrounds me. I want to understand the history and background of the downtown areas.. I want to discover unique restaurants and little shops.. I want to be proud to say I know where I live. I've already got the streets down.. I can get to almost anywhere without exact directions (people's houses don't really count on that one).. now I want to know more..

As much as I'll miss California, I'm excited to get home. :)