Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I'm sorry that I've expected so much from you lately. It isn't fair to you or our relationship.. I know there are certain things that I truly desire and wish for, but I know that I still should not get upset if I don't get these things..

I care about you a lot, so I shouldn't let little things get in the way of that. I've learned that to really "grow up", you have to choose your battles wisely.. not every problem we encounter is something that needs to provoke an argument or cause tears.

This is not to say that I will back down from something I believe I truly deserve. If you're wondering what this entails exactly, I can't really answer that completely. I can let you know, however, a few details, all of which should be givens I guess..

First of all, I deserve to be treated with respect. I am 20 years old, not 10. I do not deserve to be treated as if I am a child who is just whining about not getting her way. Sometimes, I have something important to say too. Sometimes, I'm right, and I just need you to accept that.. Otherwise, it's difficult for ME to accept that I can be right too. I want you to let your guard down and just let me see that you have a weaker side too.

I deserve the right to be told I am appreciated.. Yes, I guess I shouldn't be needing to be TOLD, but I love hearing it. I love knowing that my hard work is paying off. And YES, I do believe I work hard at keeping my friends happy.. I know I complain at times, but like I said, I'm only human.

I deserve to have dreams. You are my CLOSEST companion.. I share things with you more than anyone else.. among these things I share with you, dreams are one of the most intimate "secrets" I have. I don't think it's too much to ask that you just listen. Sometimes I don't even really need you to have much of an opinion because I know you might not even care at all.. but having you listen to what I have to say makes me feel as if you don't have anything else on your mind but me.

You know how important you are to me. You know how much power you have to change my life; your opinion is something I not only value, but anticipate. I am one who loves to have a second opinion.. but not just ANY second opinion.. I need it from someone who is willing to give me an honest perspective. That's you.

From now on, I will be careful not to get in the way of your life.. but in the back of my mind, I hope that you will not see it this way.. that you will hope to have me as PART of your life.. I hope that you will miss me when we are away, and get excited when we see each other. I guess it's because that's how I am with you.. and part of me feels like I could only hope that you feel the same way about me.

Saturday, July 21, 2007


Saturday, July 21, 2007
I've come to believe that being a hopeless romantic is simply that - hopeless. You cannot go through life hoping for the perfect romance, the perfect boyfriend / girlfriend, the perfect relationship. I've accepted the fact that with every happy ending comes a lot of messy roads and rocky paths.

But I can't help but believe that I am still a hopeless romantic at heart. Maybe not so much a hopeless romantic, but more of a traditional romantic. I still appreciate it when a guy will walk me to my door at the end of the night, when a guy holds a door open for not just me, but for others around us, when a guy simply holds my hand and tells me I'm beautiful.

I know I can very easily walk the few feet from the car to my doorstep safely alone. I know I can very easily open the door for myself. I know I don't need anyone to tell me I'm beautiful to believe that I am still beautiful, whether it be on the outside or just the inside. But sometimes it doesn't hurt to have someone do all, if not at least one of those things for me.

Remember that song back in the 90s: "Where have all the cowboys gone" by Paula Cole? I can relate to it on a general basis. I am always happy to serve others, especially someone I'm in a relationship with and care deeply about. But sometimes it helps to have all of that effort appreciated. It feels great knowing that all my generosity isn't going to waste, isn't being taken for granted.

I'm not conceited; to be honest, I'm pretty self-conscious and self-critical. But one thing I know for sure is that no matter how pretty all the other girls are, no matter how amazing they may be at sports, no matter how smart the other girls are, I do have something else - I have unconditional, unending love for those in my life. I put others before myself constantly, and in a sense, a guy who's with me is lucky to have me. I may not be beautiful on the outside, I may not be great at sports, I may not have a passion for cars or bikes, I may not be the world's most intelligent being, but I know how to love. I know how to be loyal and trustworthy and loving.

That's not to say I am better than everyone else. I am not arguing that I'm perfect. I, like everyone else, make mistakes. I am sometimes judgmental and jealous. I am sometimes quick-tempered and irrational. But more often than not, I admit my faults and try to make things better for everyone.

So I know I've gone out on a tangent, but I haven't written in a while, and I haven't really been able to sort things out so well otherwise.

I miss having someone to dance with in the middle of a public place. I miss having someone who misses me. I miss having someone who asks me why I'm sad. I miss having someone who loves me.

Yeah, rather depressing, but I had to let it out. And yeah, I had to do it here. It's virtually anonymous, and for those of my friends who actually know about this blog are simply going to have to keep it a secret. I'm still tough on the outside. I think.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

to the "right guys" and the "perfect girls"

Sunday, July 01, 2007
So there have been plenty of forwards and bulletins on myspace, facebook, and through basic email with a title along the lines of "How a Guy Should Treat His Girl" or "Things Girls Need to Know About Guys".

Although they prove some very good points about things that guys and girls miss about the opposite sex, I believe the resolution can be solved in a few simple steps.

First of all, never treat your guy or girl like "the rest of the guys / girls". By placing him or her into said "category", you're basically taking all the assumptions and stereotypes that have ever been created and putting that before you. When you are with your significant other, just simply enjoy his / her company; BE with him / her.

Secondly, follow the Golden Rule (Yeah, remember that WAY back in 2nd grade? Guess what, you're growing up, and it's following you throughout your life). Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want to be treated with respect, you BETTER treat your (wo)man the right way. No double standards. No exceptions to the rule.

Another thing, don't forget about the chivalry. Okay, this part may be in those forwards / bulletins, but it's one of the big ones. This act of generosity and kindness did NOT die out. It doesn't just mean that guys have to hold the door open for the girl or tell her that she's beautiful (Although, it would be nice). This also means, however, that a girl should pay just as much respect to the guy. Thanking a guy for simply holding a door open or even just making you smile is a given. Girls can offer random acts of kindness as well. It goes both ways.

Lastly, don't expect any sort of mannerisms or behaviors out of anyone. You cannot change the person you are with. If you want to be with that person, you are stuck with the way (s)he is. No one is perfect. People make mistakes. Life is tough. Can't handle it? (S)he deserves better than you.

There are probably lots of other issues I could bring up right now, but that's all I really have time for. I don't want to turn into another forward that has sixty million things to point out.

So for all of you people in relationships, just be with the person you're with. YES, this IS easier said than done, but it IS pretty simple. Just don't ever take anything for granted and appreciate everything / everyone you've got.
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