i give up

i don't know how to keep him happy anymore. i don't know how to make him realize im not happy anymore. i don't know what to do to make things easier anymore. i don't know what to do to stop crying. i don't know how to convince myself that he still loves me the same way.. he still considers me one of his priorities..

i'm just done.. i am so very much done.

Rainbow Cone!

Rainbow Cone!
Originally uploaded by JOE M500

man.. I really want some ice cream.. but not just any ice cream.. I NEED to try this Rainbow Cone ;)

SUPER|chill

Generation Confused

Hello my name is Justine, and I am generation confused. Despite how much YOUNGER I look than my age, I act much older than I really am. I don't go out drinking much, and when I DO go to the occasional bar or club, it's mainly because my friends want to go or there's nothing else open and I don't want to go home yet. But at the same time, I would much rather spend a quiet night in with JJ, watching TV or a movie, curled up on the couch than going out and spending money on booze.

Don't get me wrong, I used to party a LOT.. I used to love the feeling of losing myself to the music and girly mixed drinks (which later switched to beer because it was the cheapest way to get drunk haha). But I feel like I'm past all that.. I honestly feel the whole "I'm getting too old for this" vibe already. It's like the party scene was all just a quick phase (read: 2 years) for me.. and now I'm just.. done.

Moreover, ask me who my favorite musical artists are. Even though I still greatly appreciate people like Lauryn Hill, Jason Mraz, Michael Jackson and other talented contemporary artists, my absolute favorite tunes are by Michael McDonald, Frank Sinatra, and Tony Benet.

The only problem with acting older than I am is that I don't have the education and career that could support any "grown up" decisions that I want to be making. I have bad credit (so I guess that's classified under grown up right? lol) , I'm super broke (think college-student-broke), and I still live at home with my parents because of that.

I'm dying to move out.. and what frustrates me more is that there are kids much younger than me who already have their own apartments or condos, located in my dream locations! I'm also super excited to have kids (yes, go ahead. try to scold me. I've heard it already. Don't worry, I'm not pregnant.), but I know that I can't because (1) how could I supportand be held responsible for another human being when I can barely take care of myself (but honestly, I know that I could support myself better if I didn't have to take care of my parents too) and (2) I think know JJ isn't ready to be that responsible yet. (and that right there is a whole new blog in itself)

I think that's why I absolutely love the movie 13 Going on 30.. if the title were only altered to 22 Going on 30, it would define the whole idea I'm going for here. I look at women in magazines, on the streets, and I think to myself that someday I'm going to be as successful, as stylish, and organized as these women.. I'm going to be a great mom and my kids will grow up to be as obedient as my brother and I were (NOT like the crazy brats whom I observe at work!).. and someday I'm going to be a woman that girls will look up to the same way I look up to many women today.

Only problem is, I'm still stuck in a position that is halfway-grownup, halfway-childish.. and I'm not sure how to fully grow up yet =(

bye bye july =(

Holy cow, is it August already?? I'm starting to think how the rest of the world is thinking: summer is flying by so quickly. Actually, it feels like this whole YEAR is zipping by me much too quickly..

I'm considering all the things I have yet to accomplish this year, and realize I've only got 5 more months til 2010!

Sooo.. list time.

Things to Do Before 2010: (edit: sadly I'm compared this list with a list I made at the beginning of the year and had to add a lot more lol)

• Start/finish reading Harry Potter books (yes, I know, I'm about 2304798 years late on this fad)
• Lose weight (actually, I'm realistically on that road already, but I just want to reach my goal before summer of NEXT year - cuz this year's billion food adventures just left me no choice but to gain at least 20 lbs hahaha)
• Get serious about cooking - this includes checking out culinary schools and programs at my community college =)
• Blog more often
  
• Enhance my music collection; my DVD collection is pretty strong now, so it's time to move on to music!
• On that note: buy a new iPod.. my 2gb sucks. haha
  
• Sox game!
• Print pictures for framing; yeah this one I've been meaning to do since my BIRTHDAY (and that was in March lol)

So actually the list isn't very long at all.. so I guess it's do-able.. Here's to the final 5 months of the fastest year of my life!