Generation Confused

Hello my name is Justine, and I am generation confused. Despite how much YOUNGER I look than my age, I act much older than I really am. I don't go out drinking much, and when I DO go to the occasional bar or club, it's mainly because my friends want to go or there's nothing else open and I don't want to go home yet. But at the same time, I would much rather spend a quiet night in with JJ, watching TV or a movie, curled up on the couch than going out and spending money on booze.

Don't get me wrong, I used to party a LOT.. I used to love the feeling of losing myself to the music and girly mixed drinks (which later switched to beer because it was the cheapest way to get drunk haha). But I feel like I'm past all that.. I honestly feel the whole "I'm getting too old for this" vibe already. It's like the party scene was all just a quick phase (read: 2 years) for me.. and now I'm just.. done.

Moreover, ask me who my favorite musical artists are. Even though I still greatly appreciate people like Lauryn Hill, Jason Mraz, Michael Jackson and other talented contemporary artists, my absolute favorite tunes are by Michael McDonald, Frank Sinatra, and Tony Benet.

The only problem with acting older than I am is that I don't have the education and career that could support any "grown up" decisions that I want to be making. I have bad credit (so I guess that's classified under grown up right? lol) , I'm super broke (think college-student-broke), and I still live at home with my parents because of that.

I'm dying to move out.. and what frustrates me more is that there are kids much younger than me who already have their own apartments or condos, located in my dream locations! I'm also super excited to have kids (yes, go ahead. try to scold me. I've heard it already. Don't worry, I'm not pregnant.), but I know that I can't because (1) how could I supportand be held responsible for another human being when I can barely take care of myself (but honestly, I know that I could support myself better if I didn't have to take care of my parents too) and (2) I think know JJ isn't ready to be that responsible yet. (and that right there is a whole new blog in itself)

I think that's why I absolutely love the movie 13 Going on 30.. if the title were only altered to 22 Going on 30, it would define the whole idea I'm going for here. I look at women in magazines, on the streets, and I think to myself that someday I'm going to be as successful, as stylish, and organized as these women.. I'm going to be a great mom and my kids will grow up to be as obedient as my brother and I were (NOT like the crazy brats whom I observe at work!).. and someday I'm going to be a woman that girls will look up to the same way I look up to many women today.

Only problem is, I'm still stuck in a position that is halfway-grownup, halfway-childish.. and I'm not sure how to fully grow up yet =(