sometimes it's love.

So what's it mean to love someone?

I love him, but when someone asks me why, I'm usually content on saying that I just do. I mean, sometimes I say something like "he makes me so happy" or "we've been through so much and I just have that special feeling"... but in the back of my mind, I just want to define exactly why it is I love him... I still have yet to figure it out.

Does that mean I'm losing the "magic" of just simply being in love? Maybe. And that's what makes me cry sometimes -- losing the "magic" makes me think we're losing the essential part of the 'relationship' that will, in the long run, keep us together.

So, why do I love him? Well first of all, the obvious reasons are still valid reasons: we HAVE been through so much, and yet we're still together -- there's obviously something special there, and I do believe it's love (not just stubbornness). I guess that's the main part of it. And then there's a little of that magic that's still there -- when all I can think of is how much I hate him, he still has the power to erase all that emotion and replace it with utter joy that he's still around.
I love him because I can't imagine life without him. Yes, there are times when I wonder about the people I watch on TV that go through boyfriends in a matter of nights or weeks. My shortest relationship was a little over three months and I just wish that I had the mindset to think that life goes on and I can forget about all my exes once and for all.

And I guess I sort of HAVE come to that... except with him. We broke up once and up until the moment we started talking again (about 4 months later) all I could think about was how I knew we were supposed to be together and how wrong it felt to not say, "Good night" to each other every night and tell each other about how our days went...

We don't have very many friends that are mutual, and those that are aren't in relationships. It's difficult to go out with friends because he doesn't want to be all over each other and act like a couple, when in the back of my mind, it's one of the things I love to do -- show the rest of my friends that I am happy again, that he and I are just perfectly in love with each other. It hurts when I try to no avail.

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog. I just know that there is a lot going through my mind right now and I thought writing was going to help. But it really hasn't.

Time to just lay down.