A Change in Pace

Recently, I cut him out of my life. Well, to be more accurate, he chose to cut me out of his. I knew it was the best thing to do but I was still scared. I was scared I'd be lost without having someone, even if that person treated me terribly. I was dependent on his presence.

But now that I step back and look at the situation, I realize how great it's been since we went out separate ways. My life is definitely changing, and it seems as if it's going pretty well..

I decided I'm going to go back to studying the Bible. Last weekend, I checked out a variety show at a state university. I witnessed some amazing talent that brought me back to the days I used to be in youth group. As I sat there, I thought to myself, "it feels really comfortable to be listening to this again.." Ok, so that's a really bad way to put it. It doesn't really describe what was going on in my mind and body. But the instant one guy put the mic up and started to sing, it just hit me. I decided to go back to my Faith.

Moreover, I'm meeting new people. And it's pretty exciting. I almost gave up on the gentleman type, but I've been reminded plenty of times (which has been great) that there are still good guys out there.

I'm not as hardcore on my workout + diet routine, but to be honest, I'm happy with my body. Well, that is, until I see all the asian girls and their size 0 jeans. I will never be a 0.. mainly because I have big hips.. my confidence level of losing 10 lbs in the last one and a half months just dropped to the floor when I was on the dance floor with everyone. But now that I'm back home, and I'm comparing how I look now to how I used to look, I'm satisfied again.

And that's pretty much it.. I'm satisfied again.

truth

the truth is.. sometimes you just want to be missed by the ones you miss the most..

the truth is.. sometimes you just want to be "the one that got away"..

the truth is.. sometimes you realize that all the effort shouldn't have been so difficult.. there are some things that should just come easy.. but at the same time, there are things that require a lot of effort..

but the truth is.. sometimes you realize he just wasn't worth a single lift of the finger.

friends

They say the true friends are the ones that, no matter how long it's been since you last spoke to each other, you pick right back up where you left off.

Until recently I didn't think this was true. I believed that in order to have a true friendship, you nurtured and babied the friendship so that it grew to be unbreakable. Suddenly I'm finding myself completely and utterly grateful for the 'true friends' I have.

There's the people that I've known since grade school.. the ones that, throughout the course of going to separate high schools and growing up, we lost touch. It wasn't until college that we started talking again. Even then, I text or email them once in a blue moon. Yet every time we are able to reunite, it's as if we had seen each other just the day before.

And then there's the people from high school, especially from youth group during those years, that I grew up with.. that I became so intimate with that they knew me like the back of their hand. Even now, when I go to them for my own problems, they know me. I don't even need to explain the entire situation.. somehow, they already know..

My college friends are a whole different set of friends. They have known me for the least amount of time, and yet, without them, I don't think I would have been able to survive the past 3 years of my life. The only thing I worry about with this set of friends is that the friendship isn't unbreakable yet.. there's still a possibility of losing them if I don't keep in touch.. So while they may not be the 'true friend' type yet.. I think the friendships that have been developed so far can grow to be much more significant in later years..

I realize that lately I've been focused on myself and my love life a bit too much. In hoping that I'm taking a proper turn in my life, I'm grateful for the friendships that I have.

happiness

what is it about having a relationship that keeps you so happy, so content? From my own personal experience, whenever I am IN a relationship, I feel much more secure and even more confident. I know I can stand on my own two feet, but somehow it seems easier knowing that someone will be there if you forget how to walk.

Lately I've been so busy with all my commitments [work, school, gym] that I've almost completely neglected my social life. It is when I finally have time to breathe that I realize how long it has been since I've truly been able to let go and have a good time. I feel crunched for time, always thinking about everything I have to do once I get home. And even then, I'm hardly ever home anymore.. I'm simply too busy. With that said, I start to worry that I'm going to ruin my chances for developing any real friendships, therefore missing out on amazing experiences that could have happened. I'm not so worried that I'm not going to have any friends by the end of college.. but I AM worried that I'm going to lose parts of my personality. I'm extroverted, spontaneous, and a lot of fun. How sad is it that I'm worried about burning out before my 21st birthday?