Saturday, January 27, 2007

game over

Saturday, January 27, 2007
"Just take it from me, it's easier to enjoy the moment and not expect anything more because really there isn't anything more. [...] Whilst I collected compliments and Cartier, tenaciously avoiding commitment or Kleenex, my friends who hoped for the Happily Ever After were discovering that the road to fairyland was long and winding. And often heartbreaking."
-Game Over, Adele Parks
I'm starting to think that being a hopeless romantic is being completely unrealistic. I've planned out my future thoroughly - the number of kids I will have, the house I plan to live in, the type of husband I will have, the names of my future pets, my life as a housewife with a comfortable part-time job... everything.
And yet, I know that I probably won't ever reach that point. I am constantly changing, as I have stated so many times in the past. The ONLY time I ever put my whole heart into something, the only time I committed to something and stuck with it, it ran away from me. It left me heartbroken and alone.
So the most important outcome of such a disaster is to learn something from the experience. I've convinced myself until lately that I will find love again... and maybe someday I will end up with him again. But I have to stop living in the past. I have to stop dreaming. Instead of hoping for that Happily Ever After, I now have a feeling life will be much more simple and, well, live-able, to just enjoy now. No more hoping for a relationship, no more hoping for the perfect man to show up. I'm going to just enjoy being single, being who I am, whether it is a big turn-off to guys or not, and just take it one day at a time.
I've lived a fairy tale life and it was amazing. I woke up and hated the "real world". I've come to realize now that the "real world" is all I've got. No more dreaming of that fairy world. What matters most now is what I have today. If the future ends up like a fairy tale, then I'll be completely grateful, but if it doesn't, then I'll still love what I have.
Now. Let's see how long this positive thinking lasts.

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