chances [now and then]

"We do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want [...] and nothing is worse than missing the opportunity that could have changed your life."
-Grey's Anatomy


For the longest time, I thought that he was the one that got away.. that I lost the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.. I blamed myself for all the tears.. I blamed myself for all the difficult times.. Up until very recently, I continually believed that if I had only been a better person, I wouldn't have lost him..

But now.. NOW I am fully aware of the fact that he treated me like shit. He didn't treat me the way a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend when we were "together", and he doesn't treat me the way a friend should treat his friend now..

So I'm able to completely let go now.

I was able to partially let go.. and be pretty happy.. but then I got to wondering all those "what if" situations.. That led to complications in my own life that I now realize were completely unnecessary.

Nevertheless, despite all the pain I've gone through, I'm glad I did have to go through with it. And all the timing worked out so well.. If I hadn't been so stuck on the past before, I would have probably settled on someone not worth my time and effort. Now I am finally mature enough and smart enough to really give myself to someone.. I am able to I guess commit to someone who will treat me right.

So far, so good. I've found someone who does just that. Although I'm being more careful in trusting him completely, I'm opening myself up enough to know that he is who makes me happy.. and I can trust enough to know that he isn't out to hurt me.. that he's here to stay..

Love is a big risk. You can either be really unfortunate and find someone who treats you like dirt.. Or you can be really lucky and find someone amazing who will love and adore you like you deserve to be.

But this time around, it's a chance I'm willing to take.