Wednesday, December 19, 2007

deep dark secret?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Story #1
I've known her since my freshman year of high school. She was the girl who threatened to beat up all the other girls. The girl who guys were intimidated by. The girl who got kicked out because she never went to class. She was "that girl". I come across her occasionally because people in her family are regulars at my work. She remembers me. In fact, last week, she was all smiles (a side of her I had never previously seen). She walked up to the counter where I was standing and said, "Guess what! I'm having a boy!"

Story #2
At 17 years old, you're not even an adult. You think you own the world, but you really hardly know anything about it. My ex-boyfriend's younger sister is 17. At the beginning of this month, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. And named him Aiden.

Story #3
A quiet couple in high school, I knew these two from the beginning of their relationship. They were like any other couple, holding hands, arguing about little things, etc. We all graduated high school 3 years ago, and went our separate ways. I encountered the two online (myspace connections of course), and I discovered that they now have the most adorable 2-year-old and are now (happily?) married.

Even though I know I am hardly at a mature enough stage in my life to start settling down and having kids, I can't help but wish I had what all these people have. I have such a passion for kids, and I can't wait to have my own. I see that they, even in their premature stages of adulthood, are able to somehow make it work.

I'm in a relationship that is developing steadily, and I am truly happy. I'm not trying to suggest that I want to rush anything, or suddenly "forget" to take my pill or anything.. Like I said, I know I'm not ready for that stage of my life yet.

Every time I hear about girls my age becoming pregnant or already having 1- or 2-year old sons and daughters, I verbally express their foolish ways. In reality, however, I'm being a hypocrite. I know what to say, I know how to act and respond, but deep down, I'm jealous. I can't help but think, "It's not fair!"

I want one. =(

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