our song

music was always a major factor. there is never a song that perfectly fits the situation you're thinking about. for example, a girl could be in a 'romeo and juliet' fitting... and think that 'how deep is your love' is the perfect song for her relationship. but then there's the line "and you may not think i care for you..." which doesnt fit. because she knows how much her boyfriend does care for her.

ok a bit of a detailed example. but it's basically that - a song cannot simply be a couple's "song". because somehow a line will not fit in with the history.

much like a song, no "love" is perfect. there is always something that does not make it easy.

in my last relationship, the imperfections were the struggles that ended up making us stronger. in the three years that we shared, it kept us going. but in the end, after all we went through, it still drove us apart.

so now, as a single person reflecting on her past "life", i start to wonder... was it worth it? well... yes. but would i do it all again? probably not.

what's the point of fighting for one another if in the end, you're just going to get hurt anyway?

"..although we've come to the end of the road, still i can't let go. it's unnatural, you belong to me, i belong to you.."

random hookups

Being single is fun. I get to meet interesting people. I do what I want, whenever I feel like it. I spend most of my money on myself (which I do). I get to have random hookups.

But I'm starting to wonder about the past "hookups" I've had lately. I have yet to experience a "good" hookup. What exactly defines a good hookup? Well, for one thing, I would hope it all goes smoothly. No awkward small talk during the act. No weird noises or odd habits coming out of the other person.

I'm tired of faking interest in the guy as he kisses me with what he thinks are his best moves. I'm normally blunt about what's on my mind, but I just can't seem to "get what I want" from these guys...

I think I should give up on guys. Maybe that'll make them come crawling for me with better skills.

starting over

Ok I'm back to normal. No more hoping for a "miracle" or "fairy tale ending". Back to these amazing dates. And crushes that last a New York Minute hahaha

So this guy I met... at work... hmmm.... :wink:

And then there's this guy I've known... hmm... :shrug:

And then there's the older guy (well, they're all actually older, but that's how I've always known this guy)... well... I'm not sure what's the deal with this guy yet....


We'll see. We'll see.

I'm back in the game (^_*)

what if.

What if it's all happening for a reason?

What if the hopeless romantic in me hasn't died yet... and it's starting to grow again?

If that's the case, then I'm going to get hurt. again. And it's probably going to hurt more than ever.

For the first time since I found out he got into an (pretty bad but thank GOD not fatal) accident, I cried last night. And I cried today, after work. I was watching Grey's Anatomy (from last week)... and one character posed a question that has hit me all too often: "If I suddenly went missing or disappeared... would anyone notice?"

No, I'm not just looking for attention. I just got really, really emotional... and YES, I know it's not good for me... I know I need to suck it up and go back to being strong...

But I made a mistake. Or rather, I made a decision to change my lifestyle... again. I decided to step out of denial and fall back in love with someone who doesn't love me back.