happy birthday

My birthday is on Monday, March 26th. I will be turning 20 years old. And I'm growing up.

Yes, I am constantly growing, constantly changing, constantly learning.. but part of me realizes that this year will be big. I have learned to finally let go of my past.. I have finally understood, through hard experiences, what it's like to start over again.. I have come to appreciate life in a new sense..

The end of my teen years.. It's kind of scary. Some people may read that or hear me say it and scoff. "It's not like you're actually changing. It's just another birthday.. just another day"

But the truth is.. it's not. Every day is valuable.. Every moment is a gift.. 20 years [and 9 months] ago, I didn't exist. Looking back, so much has happened in my 20 years..

I moved from state to state.. lived in places that people only DREAM of ever visiting.. I've played in the Atlantic.. hiked in the Rockies.. casually strolled along Michigan.. watched the sun rise above the Pacific.. traveled with family, traveled with friends, traveled alone..

I was diagnosed with ITP, and I made a full recovery. I listened as my mom was given three months to live.. and I listened as the doctors told her she was cancer free two and a half years later.. I baked my mom a cake today.. for her 43rd birthday.. 10 years after she was told she was going to die.

I have been given a kiss and a hug from my dad every New Years.. I have fought with my parents.. I have laughed with my parents.. I have never stopped loving my parents..

I have hated my brother.. I have fought with my brother.. I have loved my brother.. I have appreciated my brother..

I experienced a first boyfriend, a first kiss, a first love, a first heartbreak.. a second, third, and fourth boyfriend.. a second love.. a second, more painful heartbreak.. a first regret.. a first rebound.. a first drunken party.. a first one-night stand.. and now I'm experiencing being truly happy with someone new for the first time since the drama..

I have been a Pre-Pharmacy student, a Health Science major, a Communications Arts major, a Writing and Publishing major, a Biology major, a Chemistry major. I am now a Public Relations / Marketing major.

I have gone to baby showers, weddings, funerals, birthday parties for my loved ones. I have taken hundreds of thousands of pictures..

And never in my life have I appreciated it all so fully until now.. I've learned a lot of lessons along the way, and I know that I have a lot more to learn.. I've made mistakes, regretted lots of things, but learned from everything..

For all of you who were given this special "link" to my heart.. I thank you for always being there for me.. for somehow making such a big impact on my life.. because those were the only people who I trusted enough with all of my thoughts.. all of my feelings.. the full exposure of my life..

I'm turning 20 years old.. I'm leaving for California with a long lost best friend.. And when I come back, life will never be the same..

Granted.. every day I could say the same thing.. with every new experience, I have taken another step towards my future..

And while it scares the hell out of me sometimes, I'm ready for the trip.