Sunday, August 12, 2007

venting out the pain

Sunday, August 12, 2007
i never cheated on you.. what hurt you about ME was that i had a past, and i did things that i should be ashamed of.. but by the time i had met you, i had changed all of that.. i was GOOD to you.. yeah, i'm a bit of a drama queen sometimes, but i'm only human.. i lose my temper sometimes.. but i took care of you, i sacrificed a lot of things to be with you, i would put my life on hold just for you.. but instead of giving that back to me, you betrayed me.. you lied and cheated.. and you did it more than once.. and for some reason, you were able to bring yourself to hope that i could forgive you..

and what you did to me really should be unforgivable.. i really shouldn't be talking to you anymore.. but i am giving you a second chance because i hope you will be able to fix this. i've learned the hard way not to run away from pain and heartbreak.. i've learned to have more faith in others.. i forgive you but i will never forget.. i will always be wondering if you've said the same thing to her.. if you've made her laugh with the same jokes.. if you've made her mad with the same drama.. if you've kissed her the same way you kiss me.. if you hold her the same way you hold me.. as hard as i try, i can't erase it from my mind.. and i dont know.. maybe that's a good thing..

one thing i have learned from you is to not always have my guard down.. that i can truly hurt myself if i do.. you got lucky - you finally let your guard down, and the person who you did it with treated you with gentleness.. i mean yes i was bitter and sarcastic at times, but you got it easy. when i have my guard down, people walk all over me.

i know you're taking it in slow steps, but there is one step i cannot wait for you to take. it is simply wrong for you to have two. you have to choose, and you have to choose now. if you cannot make the choice, i will make it for you. simple as that.

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