rant. again.

"Hey I'm just letting you know so ur not worrying like crazy"

wow. since when are you concerned about how you make me feel? if i never told you how i felt, if i never told you when something bothered me, i don't think you'd ever notice, or even if you did, you probably wouldn't even bring it up.. you'd act as if everything is okay so that there's no drama in YOUR life..

if i never told you i missed you, would you even say that you miss me? if i never made plans to go out out with you, would you have made the plans with me? part of me wants to put my foot down and just stop caring altogether.. to just walk away and see if you'll still be around.. but i'm scared i already know the truth..

the instant you know that i have plans, you're already calling all your girl friends (and if none of them can do anything, you end up at your best friend's house til god knows when).. would you ever wait for me like i wait for you?

i'm starting to wonder just how much you care about me.. and i'm starting to realize you don't treat me like i should be treated either.. you said you would be better than the guy before you.. you said you would be my best friend..

the first 2 days after we had that long, late-night conversation were amazing.. you treated me better than you had ever treated me before.. you wouldn't stop holding me, you wouldn't stop wanting to be with me, you wouldn't stop making me smile.. and i DIDN'T and COULDN'T stop smiling.. i was THAT happy.. and then suddenly it was over.. it wasn't even back to the way things were.. it was worse.

no, you don't treat me like a best friend. you treat me like someone you have on the side. not true? well that's how you make me feel. and if it's not how you feel, PLEASE.. can you start showing me a different side? you don't realize how painful this is for me.. you don't realize how much it hurts to know you're off with someone else.. esp someone i don't trust or care for at all.. all night til early morning or even into the afternoon.. or all day..

i'm tired of feeling neglected and desperate. i want to go back to being cared about.. to being missed.. to being happy..